The Ballad of Sweeney Frog

With Deep Aologies to Stephen Sondheim...

The Ballad of
Sweeney Frog
(to the tune of “The Ballad of Sweeney Todd”)

Attend the tale of Sweeney Frog;
His skin was green and he smelled of bog,
Was made of felt and was very small;
His eyes were two halves of a white ping pong ball.
That's Sweeney,
That's Sweeney Frog,
The demon frog of the Muppets.

His love, she was at least twice his size,
Not fair of face, but with better eyes,
And quite obese with a porcine stench,
Both trained in karate and fluent in French,
The object
Of Sweeney's love,
The demon frog of the Muppets.

You think she's untrue, Sweeney --
Someone more her size...
Freely flows
The lust of those
Who beastialize!

He followed her and he kept a list
Of whom she'd flirt with and whom she’d kissed.
He caught her sleeping, the faithless hog,
Entwined with the figure of Rowlfie the Dog;
Did Sweeney,
Did Sweeney Frog,
The demon frog of the Muppets.

Unassuming though Sweeney was,
Still in love with a queen 'e was,
She was a bitch,
She was a pig,
How could he pine for a woman that big?
Sweeney pondered and Sweeney planned,
Like a fuzzy green bean 'e planned.
Sweeney was green,
Sweeney was furry,
Sweeney would blink
And rats would hurry!
Sweeney!
Sweeney!
Sweeeeeeeee - ney!

Attend the tale of Sweeney Frog,
He killed his buddy, one Rowlf the Dog.
It may sound tacky, it may sound crass,
But he was at home with a hand up his ass.
A puppet
Was Sweeney Frog,
The demon frog of the Muppets…!

I wrote this while we worked on Sweeney Todd in 1996. It was hard to follow all Sondheim's rhythms and rhymes, but I think I did pretty good...

Long Live the Musical!
Scott